I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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