I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
