You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
