I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
