It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
