I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
