i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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