a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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