im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
