I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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