just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
