i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize