You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
