Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm at about main and main street
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
