cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
