The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
