hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
