wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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