i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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