i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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