Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
