THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
They have beer where we have blood.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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