He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
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I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
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It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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