There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Every concussion has its silver lining
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
