shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
