I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize