things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
