Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
