got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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