I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize
