Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
