I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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