that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
