I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
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