Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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