Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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