Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize