Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The uberlube is also flammable
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
