Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
