hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
