You can't motorboat a personality
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
