So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
