I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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