bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
