so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
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Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
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Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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