That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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