you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
