i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
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It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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