I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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