Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
