Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
