i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize
