Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
