It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
