It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize