he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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