if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I want a musical about memes.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
