I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize