now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
